Feeling better, learning to surf

• Washing fruits and vegetables in non-potable water makes you wonder, “What’s the point?”
• In Spanish, the literal translation for constipation refers to a stuffy nose rather than a clogged-up ass. So, when you go to a doctor about a sinus infection and he asks you if you’re constipated, he’s not just being über-thorough.
• MexiWomen will never say no when you ask them out, anywhere, to do anything. At first, this seems like a boon, like fishing with dynamite. However, what MexiWomen will do—the majority of times, apparently—is not show up. No show, no call, nothing. According to reliable MexiSources, this is the industry standard for the first two or three times you ask a girl out here. MexiMen even account for this phenomenon by making backup plans on date nights, or by not showing up themselves. As you can guess, this practice is traumatizing to a foreigner who has never heard of this little cultural gem, the very same foreigner who has been stood up twice in one night by the same girl. Perhaps this little nugget should be written in guidebooks or posted at the fucking airport, because when someone who has never been stood-up has it happen twice in one night, he—a hypothetical everyman, of course—gets upset and daydreams of pushing MexiFamiles into traffic.
• The over-the-counter cold meds here are packed full of chemicals that I’m pretty sure have been illegal in the states for, like, always. They really do the trick. Although, now I have this insatiable craving for crystal meth and I can’t seem to figure out why….
• US$6.66 All-You-Can-Motherfucking-Eat Pork Ribs. Come visit me and we’ll eat until we can’t feel feelings.
• I’m learning to talk shit like 50-year-old MexiWomen. Thanks, ceramics class.
• Midwestern and Canadian spring-breakers are well fed. Nothing like their coked-out Californian counterparts over in Baja.